Three ways to manage that feeling you are never enough.

Because life is short, follow the Happy Path for more tips and inspiration to live your happiest live.

Of all the feelings mental health bestows on me there is one I hate the most.

That all consuming sense I am rubbish. I am not enough. I am a terrible parent, friend, partner.

Logically I don’t believe this to be true. Yes at times I am short tempered or bossy. Sometimes I could be better a listener or more patient.

But that feeling is not one that responds to logic. In those moment it takes hold it feels as though it has always been true, and always will be.

Worse still at times when I try to fight it with logic, it retaliates growing stronger dragging me deeper into the rabbit hole.

It is so strange to be stuck in the middle of this battle. And it is a battle we are not alone in. Here are some ways we can try to find a happy balance.

Emotional bystander

Slowly I am learning I need to stop fighting I need to accept and become a bystander for these feelings. It does not define me at least not in the long run.

So now when I feel that suffocating all consuming tsunami overcome me, I stop trying to beat it into submission, I take a deep breath and remind myself it’s ok to have feelings, perhaps wanting to be better is a good thing, perhaps I am good enough, maybe I just need to feel this.

Above all feelings good or bad will pass.

Positive self speak

Nothing drove this home to me more than a book I am ready at the moment The chimp paradox. One of the statements in this book was “Imagine you woke each morning thinking you were not good enough, you were awful at your job, you did not deserve happiness, How do you think your day would go? Now imagine you wake up feeling great, you will do a great job, you are worthy of happiness, How would that day go?”

Every morning I am trying to remind myself I am a hard working, I have overcome lots, I am passionate, a good mum and great employee…

Manage expectations

Another way I am trying to get a grip on this sense is to manage my expectations about what I am trying to achieve. I am trying to acknowledge that in lots of areas of my life I set really lofty expectations and so therefore if I fall short I am still doing a good job.

One area I still struggle in this space is being a parent, I don’t feel like I ever had a “normal” mum figure so I struggle to gauge if the level of expectation I put on myself as a mum is a reasonable amount or not.

By stepping back a little from my feelings, building positive self speak and managing my expectations gradually I finding more happiness.


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