Fight 4 Happiness

Honest post warning!!! This is me blubbing on the train back from London. This is what it looks like when someone’s cup is a little too full. It was a tricky session yesterday with my psychologist. All nesscary work I am sure, but it left me feeling drained and a little fragile. I pushed through the day. Made brownies to take to see my new team. Nudged myself to yoga. Then was totally overwhelmed by a flash back in yoga. Held it together until I got to the car. Breathed my way through an anxiety attack. Went to sainsburys bought flowers for the neighbours. Went home got ready for London and went to sleep dreading what the night might have in store. Woke up at 4am I can only assume from a Nightmare as I couldn’t breath, but unusually couldn’t remember the nightmare. Still got up pushed through the usual nervousness of London, the underground and busy streets. Had a lovely day meeting an amazing team. But then started getting confusing messages from another parent from school about something happening with Gwen. I left the after work social drinks early (just as a key stakeholder turned up) because I wanted to try and get a handle on what was happening at home and couldn’t get a straight answer from anyone. Queue feeling like a rubbish mum because I was not there when my child needed me and a rubbish employee for bugging out early when I should have been building relationships. And queue really unhelpful internal dialogue about being rubbish at both. Then got to the station all trains delayed or cancelled. Little no information as to why, turned out trespassers on the track. Poor train passengers having to put up with some weirdo blubbing on the train. Only sharing because I know lots of people try to achieve a difficult balance of being working parents or working through ptsd and when I have been honest about my mental health in the past it has opened the door for others to step forward. And yes I will be fine. I will get up tomorrow go for a jog, smash another in work, perhaps buy myself a bow and continue to find a way forward so don’t worry. But for anyone who feels like they can’t have a bad day, or other people do so much better than they do. We all have those moments, you aren’t alone, you can struggle and still succeed, or struggle and fail and then get back up. #mentalhealth #wellness #ptsd #itwillbeok