Please know I am so grateful for the life I have.
The love which surrounds me everyday.
The intrigue of a job with endless possibility in its capacity to learn.
The people who brighten my moments and guide me on my path.
But there is a part of me which mourns for the life I never had a chance to know.
The one shot which I could have grasped and run with.
The possibility of the person I could have become.
Not constrained by my fear and self loathing.
Not forced to choose to survive, but nurtured to thrive.
Where all the will and determination I expelled just to stay alive could have been used to ignite a fire.
To chart a course of my own design.
Free to reach, to run towards a future rather than away from the past.
Sometimes I long for that chance.
Rowan Aderyn 
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