Today I let go of a long held reminder that had weighed heavily on me for years.
When mum past away she did not own much. She was still living in a mental health facility at the time, she had only one bedroom other than the shared spaces and with such a tumultuous life behind her many of her worldly possessions had long since been lost.
My siblings and I were boxing up what little she had. Sorting through clothes, books, and unwrapped Christmas gifts. We were almost done and we came across a hand written note with her last wishes.
In the not she made it clear she did not want to be buried she did not want a big mass… and there was one item she wanted left in safe keeping…to me. A small statue of two sisters with a reminder of my responsibility to look after Mel.
I could be wrong but I sensed at least one of my siblings was a little put out. She bestowed one item to any of us and it was to me. I did not feel so great about it, but I dug through the boxes and retrieved the small ceramic figure.
For a decade I have moved the little figure around my home. It has felt like a constant reminder to me of all the times I have failed. Of all the times i tired to help and it was not enough. It has never been a happy reminder more a weight around my neck.
Well this week I decided it was time it found a new home. So I wrote a letter, set it alight and offered the ornament to someone who wanted it. I will always love my little sister and always try to be there when she needs me but I don’t need the pressure of those final words ringing in my head.
Therapy certainly transforms the way you see the world or perhaps it just opens your eyes to what was there all along.