Sorry for being absent for a while. I think I just needed the space at the start of this year to recoup. To not be so reflective and to simply give myself a break. But I am back and loads is going on. I can’t wait to share it all with you so don’t forget to follow if you would like to see more from this amazing crazy journey called life! For now better late than never my reflections on a year. And what a year it was!
Reflection and self awareness are great tools. It is important to take the time to consider our progress. To build upon our successes and learn from our failings. So here is my reflection of a year.
I purposefully didn’t do my best…
This is such an interesting one as many will think I am nuts for not trying my absolute best at something. I had personally invested a lot in the course I was studying. But for me in addition to the learning it was a huge opportunity to challenge myself to find a better balance. To be measured in my approach.
The course I attended with Cambridge University was something I was passionate to learn more about and I was hopeful would help develop my career.
In the past when ever I have done any formal learning I have pushed myself to do my absolute best. I mean pushed myself to the point where I am stressed not sleeping up late working. And it has been almost a compulsion, not a choice just an absolute need to commit, to go big or go home. To be the straight A student.
This time I didn’t do that. I told myself and told my hubby I was going to do a good job. I was going to learn and apply myself but I was going to stop when I believed the effort was good enough. It was so hard not to react to those first couple of good grades. Not to start working all hours of the night. Not to try and become an immediate expert in my area of focus. But I did it. I passed the course, I still probably came in the top ten percent of the class and my grades overall were the highest grade you could be recognised with. (I say all this to demonstrate I still applied myself). But I was not the top. And to be fair I got to see the submissions of some of the other students and they were astounding.
I decided I was important enough…
I recognise the discomfort my gender causes some people. Lots of people like the clarity of two clearly defined genders. The fact I fail to fit neatly in either is seen by many as a nonsense. And I know that for some they are unnerved by the changing concepts in this space. I always wanted to make everyone as happy as I could and I never wanted to stand out or rock the boat for my benefit. For years I had decided I would sit with my discomfort because that was easy for others.
Last year I finally found the belief I was worth it. I was worth risking upsetting some people for the comfort of my own skin. I shared my understanding of my gender and yep I got lots of different responses. The important thing was that I managed to take that step for me.
Just keep writing…
I managed to finish the edited first draft of a novel I have been playing with for some time. Dam it has been a journey of love and pain. The hours lost enjoying watching a story unfold. The days debating huge changes removing characters or deleting whole chapters. It’s there now and I am slowly searching for an agent.
Finished Therapy…
I will never be able to summarise in a few short sentences the determination, courage and hope it took to master that course of therapy. So glad I did it. Even more glad it is done. Overall therapy is exhausting at times but dam that effort can transform you.
Watch this space for a next step…
Fostered Futures…
An idea was born. Fostered Futures was born of the lessons I picked up along the way. The realisation so many children and adults have it so much worse than me. The recognition that a hundred chances lifted me to this space. The desire to create a legacy of chances behind me.
I wonder where this year will take us …
Fight 4 Happiness 
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